Last night was the
first showing of the newest Star Wars movie. I did not go see it. I
will tonight. We have a really dinky movie theater here, that only
shows two movies at a time and only one time per day, unless it is
summer time and all the brats are out of school or a weekend. That's
it, unless I want to travel four hours in either direction to the
nearest big theater chain to watch this movie in IMAX 3D with jiggly
seats. And while I am quite sure that the $20 for a seat is worth it
for this movie, I'm going to stick with hoe and pay my eight dollars
to sit in a somewhat crappy theater with the busted seats. At least I
don't have to sit near any children, because we have a balcony that
is eighteen and older. I am that guy that will complain about kids
being in my area, I waited until I was eighteen you little fuckers,
you can wait too. Go hump each other downstairs.
Since the premier
of the Force Awakens I have ignored most of my social media accounts.
I have blocked several friends on Facebook for the time being because
they will spoil it and I don't want to be forced to murder them in
for their sins. It should be a perfectly allowable legal defense to
killer off anyone that spoils a movie, with in a two month time
frame. If you haven't seen something like this after two months, it's
your own goddamn fault. Within that time frame, public hangings
should be encouraged. I was once accused of spoiling Citizen Cane
because I said that whole Rosebud is his fucking toy was bullshit and
this person hadn't seen the movie yet. I'm sorry you haven't seen a
movie that was released before your fucking mother was born, that is
not my fault. You should be thanking me for giving you the cliff
notes version of that pile of shit movie. It's in black and white
because color did not exist at the time, get over it. I still like to
think that everyone was color blind until movies finally came out in
color and it was a sudden change like it was in the Wizard of Oz. And
I see some guy out in a field to his farm just staring at the sky,
“Martha, what is that new bright shade of gray in the sky?”
“I don't know
Harry, you think it will frighten the cows?”
“We won't know
for a couple months, I do believe. Said 'Boo!' just last week to
them.”
There were a couple
people on my Facebook feed wondering about which order to rewatch the
movies, before going to see the new one. I only made it through
Episode One, and I think I'm just going to watch that again just
before I go see the new one, it'll help keep my expectations low.
It's not like I haven't seen these movies before. Hell I think I've
seen the original trilogy more than a hundred times. I still have the
tape that proves Han shot first, and why wouldn't he? Han Solo was a
fucking asshole that thought making fun of some kid's new found
religion was just fine because they gave him all the money they
needed. So killing a guy that was there to toss his sorry ass to a
giant slug for a down payment on some sand bungalow didn't seem out
of character. Han is much more of a bad ass in first edition. I also
have seen someone posting a thing about how they are in the one
percent that hasn't seen any of these movies. Good on you pal, why
are you harassing me because I have seen Return of the Jedi more than
three hundred times, and can quote it near line for line? I'm sure my
friend didn't post thing out of spite, but you know the fucker that
made the damn meme did. And that guy is a douche. And probably the
bag it came it. And he probably lives in his mom's basement for
entirely different reasons than the nerds.
My home town is
tiny, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, and with our one shitty
theater we had a couple guys camping out in front. People I know asked if I was going to camp out too, and I told them “Fuck
no!” Not that I didn't want to be the first person in, I wasn't
going to hang out on a sidewalk in the fucking cold. It was sixteen
fucking degrees (Fahrenheit, none of that Centigrade bullshit here)
this morning when I got up at 8AM. Without a goddamn Taun Taun to cut
open, I was not willing to dress as a Sith Lord, because the dark
side is the best, am I right? and sit in the cold with a nice steady
breeze to completely make Main Street feel like the icy breath of
Hoth. To the guys that did, you dumbfucks are better fans than I. And
much, much stupider too. To each their own I guess. And with that,
I'm going to go see the movie, with high hopes. It can't be worse
than Jar Jar Binks saving the galaxy with Pod Racing, can it? CAN IT?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Think happy thoughts, think happy
thoughts!
Update: I wrote
this up well before I went to the theater to see the Force Awakens
and just now got around to posting it to the blog. I got home from
the movie a little bit ago, and I am pleased. And a kid tried to spoil
the movie, but someone grabbed the little shit before we could string
him up, so we can only hope they tossed him in front of a bus.
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