Filters

I know I swear a lot. People have pointed this out to me for decades now. I'm sure most people are offended when I start speaking. I learned many swear words when I was a kid, shit my grandpa cussed around me all the time, but nothing really on the list of The Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television by George Carlin. His favorite was “goddamn” and because he said it all the time, I use it all the goddamn time now too. When we had his memorial, I told a memory of him and the crowd was not ready at all for some unshaven, long haired thirty some year old saying saying the words, “goddamn vacuum cleaner,” at what is basically a funeral I think I've promised to post that story on here too, and I'll get to it eventually. My mom and grandma told me to stop taking the “lord's name in vain” and then my grandpa would get yelled at as well for cursing around the grand kid again, both of us ended up rubbing our heads from where we got smacked. But when I got into high school, I had learned syntax is everything with swearing. I have turned it into a fucking art form. I put them into other words, I know other people know this as well. Thank you Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor for adding to my fanfuckingtastic vocabulary. The vulgarity that comes out of my mouth at times sometimes shocks even me, and like the Hulk, the madder I get, the worse the swearing.

There are a few times that I never utter swears. I have never used the worst ones in front of my family, saying words that are fowl even to the British just don't come out of my mouth around my uncles and aunts. Hell, I didn't even let them know about this blog, just because I'm trying to spare them from my potty mouth. I also would not swear around the old people at the old folks home. That one shocked my coworkers because I was pretty bad in the break room, the laundry room, storerooms, the kitchen, pretty much anytime there wasn't an old person hanging about. And kids, because... Do I really have to put a reason for this, their kids damn it, they don't need to hear an adult say those filthy things and it pisses me off when they use them. First they don't know how, and sometimes a three year old repeating what dad says is pretty funny because it was either really wrong or just too correct. When my sister was four or five she told my dad he was a “fucking athhole” because she had a lisp and she was pissed at my dad for telling her she couldn't have something. My dad said he just stood there not knowing what to do, because how can you punish a kid for using a phrase correctly, and I think that lisp threw him and he just froze. We all get a laugh about it even now.

There are places I don't swear at as well. I won't swear on holy ground, and I work for the local Catholic church, but I don't cuss at the cemeteries, or other church grounds either. I will when I'm outside by myself, because I'm alone, and usually have a loud machine running that drowns me out. There are some exceptions to my self imposed rule, ever hit your finger with a hammer and not yell out a swear word? If not, you sir, or ma'am, are a fucking liar. I'm not Catholic, hell I'm pretty close to being an atheist, and the priest knows, and doesn't care. If the priest respects me enough to not preach his faith to me and try to force me to convert, I should have the respect to not befoul his place of worship with my swearing. I also never swear at Disneyland, I have and I felt dirty afterward. It's just wrong to go cussing up a storm in that place. I've heard many adults there swear just because, and I look at them like some sinner defiling my holy sanctuary. Disneyland is my happy place. I frown at people that swear at Disneyland, and just pity them.

I see nothing wrong with my swearing, I have my filters, and I stick by them. After all, they're just fucking words.