Thanks America!

To write up these posts, I go to the local library. Not for the books, or the use of their free WiFi, I could just go sit at the city park for that, or any number of other shops in town, because who doesn't have free open WiFi now a days? I'm here because they have air conditioning. At home I have a swamp cooler, that is not climate control. My taxes already pay for this so I'm going to enjoy the fruits of my, and your, labors. So thank you reader for paying your taxes so I can enjoy some nice cool air with the local homeless people that I can only assume are looking at porn.

There are a few things I've noticed since I started enjoy free AC. One they have a lot less books than I remember this place having. And I can't find a single fucking book in here. They took out the big box with the index cards and ditched the Dewy Decimal System. Do they not know I spent a good portion of my childhood learning that crap? How the hell do I find a book now? I'm not asking the librarian to point it out to me, that's what that goddamn card catalog was for. Shit, even Barnes and Noble has a kiosk so I can look up a book in their vast array of shelves, with out breaking down to ask for human assistance, that's for the weak. And I know there will be that one person that judges you for that weakness, and they're going to spread shit about you around that built in Starbucks too. “Hey everyone, that moron is asking for help! Weak. Haxors Leet for life motha fucka!” guy probably flashes the Vulcan hand thing like a gang sign, when saying that shit.

Two, they still lend out VHS tapes. These things can't still work good, I know that poor people don't have the money to upgrade to DVD but still, holy shit, VHS tapes. VHS tapes of some British documentary from 1983? Puff the Magic Dragon! Holy crap that show was awesome when I was four! And it's on Amazon Prime, sweet fucking yeah! Oh my god! They have Laser Disks! Who the hell even still has that player? I thought they went the way of the AOL disks, and Beta Max, and 8 Tracks. I'm going to have to look for the 1984 Dune movie on one of these bad boys. I was just told to stop drooling on everything and swearing loudly. And the fist bump in the air, even I regret that. At least somethings haven't changed here.

Three, I haven't had a library card in decades now, I'm not even sure if I owe anything for an unreturned book. I silently fear that I do, and I'm sure it'd be for some Where's Waldo book I checked out from when I was in school, and lost is enough to concern me. I imagine the librarian, I still picture them in my head like the old lady ghost from Ghostbusters, shushing even the slightest noise, telling me, “You owe us $3000 in back charges, and you made several kids cry over them not being able to 'read' that book. How dare you sir! You are what's wrong in America! What's your excuse! Huh!” And I also picture finger quotes, harshly waved in my face. My response would only be, “He's a tricky bastard. Couldn't find him.” But I know I'd be sheepish in my answer, looking down, twisting one foot on the toe of my shoe with my hands behind my back, just like in third grade when I was the quiet kid that got in trouble. And being judged by the librarian, that happens to be... younger than me, and by at least a decade. Son of a bitch, librarians are supposed to be old ladies that tell you to be quiet in the harshest, soul destroying, whisper on earth. Nope, not getting that card. For the principle of the whole thing. I really don't like these changes. So, I'll just sit here, and enjoy the AC. Thanks America!